Husband Not Supportive Mentally With BIpolar 2

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AnimeEmoGirl
April 18, 2012 - 2:30 pm
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AnimeEmoGirl
Total Posts: 1004
Joined: 10-04-2009
Yea....My husband and my bipolar aren't getting along, which is why I keep having to add medications. Since all of this has gone on, I've had millions of episodes and he don't want me happy. I'm finally found a way out, even though I don't believe in it, and that's divorce. I'm going through that process right now.

But anyone else have this problem before? I would love some advice and hugs, if that's appropriate...I dunno what's appropriate anymore.



Current medications as of 04-18-2012
09-02-2011 - Present: Prenatal Vitamins, 100mg. Once Every Morning
12-01-2011 - Present: Benadryl, 50mg. Once At Bedtime
03-22-2012 - Present: Abilify, 2mg. Once Every Morning
03-22-2012 - Present: Seroquel XR, 150mg. Once at bedtime
04-12-2012 - Present: Klonopin, .5mg. Once every night

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AnimeEmoGirl
AnimeEmoGirl
April 18, 2012 - 2:30 pm
Yea....My husband and my bipolar aren't getting along, which is why I keep having to add medications. Since all of this has gone on, I've had millions of episodes and he don't want me happy. I'm finally found a way out, even though I don't believe in it, and that's divorce. I'm going through that process right now.

But anyone else have this problem before? I would love some advice and hugs, if that's appropriate...I dunno what's appropriate anymore.



Current medications as of 04-18-2012
09-02-2011 - Present: Prenatal Vitamins, 100mg. Once Every Morning
12-01-2011 - Present: Benadryl, 50mg. Once At Bedtime
03-22-2012 - Present: Abilify, 2mg. Once Every Morning
03-22-2012 - Present: Seroquel XR, 150mg. Once at bedtime
04-12-2012 - Present: Klonopin, .5mg. Once every night

rjmhaley
April 18, 2012 - 5:41 pm
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rjmhaley
Total Posts: 1298
Joined: 12-05-2011
Dear Girl,

You have my understanding, sympathy and hugs. BP takes a huge toll on all of our lives and relationships. I know scores of people who have suffered everything from frozen relationships to outright violence as a result of their illness.

I was diagnosed over eight and a half years ago and have been hospitalized eight times for suicidal ideations. Since my sister took her life after ignoring ideations, I don't take chances with mine. My wife of 28 years loves me and, to some degree, supports me, but she has no interest in BP and refuses to accept my illness as a reason for my erratic behaviors. She especially objects to my impulsive spending.

We have had many hard conversations. It is difficult to honestly discuss the reasons for my behaviors when I can't discuss my emotional balance. We had some very difficult times before we finally decided we had to just accept the situation and stop talking about it. Sometimes our relationship is cold, but we have been able to let it continue at least.

I wish you the best of luck. This will be hard for you. i hope you have good docs and lots of emotional support.


I'm damned if I'll be defeated.
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rjmhaley
rjmhaley
April 18, 2012 - 5:41 pm
Dear Girl,

You have my understanding, sympathy and hugs. BP takes a huge toll on all of our lives and relationships. I know scores of people who have suffered everything from frozen relationships to outright violence as a result of their illness.

I was diagnosed over eight and a half years ago and have been hospitalized eight times for suicidal ideations. Since my sister took her life after ignoring ideations, I don't take chances with mine. My wife of 28 years loves me and, to some degree, supports me, but she has no interest in BP and refuses to accept my illness as a reason for my erratic behaviors. She especially objects to my impulsive spending.

We have had many hard conversations. It is difficult to honestly discuss the reasons for my behaviors when I can't discuss my emotional balance. We had some very difficult times before we finally decided we had to just accept the situation and stop talking about it. Sometimes our relationship is cold, but we have been able to let it continue at least.

I wish you the best of luck. This will be hard for you. i hope you have good docs and lots of emotional support.


I'm damned if I'll be defeated.
blukitty
April 19, 2012 - 9:14 pm
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blukitty
Total Posts: 178
Joined: 05-17-2009
I have the total opposite in my marriage. Of course, both hubby and I are bp. He also has ocd too. For a long time, I went undiagnosed. He was diagnosed with ocd about 14 years ago. He finally got an official bp diagnosis about 6 years years ago. I got mine about 8 or 10 years ago.

We both have our ups and downs with our bp but are trying to be supportive of each other, paying attention to the triggers we each have.

I hope all of this helps and I wish all of you the best of luck. :)



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blukitty
blukitty
April 19, 2012 - 9:14 pm
I have the total opposite in my marriage. Of course, both hubby and I are bp. He also has ocd too. For a long time, I went undiagnosed. He was diagnosed with ocd about 14 years ago. He finally got an official bp diagnosis about 6 years years ago. I got mine about 8 or 10 years ago.

We both have our ups and downs with our bp but are trying to be supportive of each other, paying attention to the triggers we each have.

I hope all of this helps and I wish all of you the best of luck. :)



danielleT
April 20, 2012 - 3:14 pm
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danielleT
Total Posts: 93
Joined: 11-03-2011
I don't have a supportive husband either and I think you're brave to be taking the divorce route. I know that's not easy to do and that we put up with alot before we do it.



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danielleT
danielleT
April 20, 2012 - 3:14 pm
I don't have a supportive husband either and I think you're brave to be taking the divorce route. I know that's not easy to do and that we put up with alot before we do it.



MsAnthrope
April 23, 2012 - 7:26 am
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MsAnthrope
Total Posts: 106
Joined: 01-03-2012
Think you're right to get a divorce for both your sakes. I'm lucky that my husband is supportive and kind. The only thing that irritates the life out of me is the judgement and putting words in my mouth. I sometimes feel as though everything I say or believe is considered wrong or different - just because it is me saying it and I can't possibly be "normal" about anything. If it were anyone else with the same ideas and opinions they would be taken seriously. Whether this is true or just the way I see it I have no idea but it feels true. He'd say different of course and would probably think I'm irritating because of it.

I reckon people have a hard time with it generally and I'm not really surprised as it must be one hell of a thing to put up with. I would say someone can either take it and tolerate it or not and there is no in between


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MsAnthrope
MsAnthrope
April 23, 2012 - 7:26 am
Think you're right to get a divorce for both your sakes. I'm lucky that my husband is supportive and kind. The only thing that irritates the life out of me is the judgement and putting words in my mouth. I sometimes feel as though everything I say or believe is considered wrong or different - just because it is me saying it and I can't possibly be "normal" about anything. If it were anyone else with the same ideas and opinions they would be taken seriously. Whether this is true or just the way I see it I have no idea but it feels true. He'd say different of course and would probably think I'm irritating because of it.

I reckon people have a hard time with it generally and I'm not really surprised as it must be one hell of a thing to put up with. I would say someone can either take it and tolerate it or not and there is no in between


meape
April 23, 2012 - 10:26 pm
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meape
Total Posts: 50
Joined: 04-28-2011
AnimeEmoGirl,

My wife isn't supportive either. I know the some of the feelings you must be having. Please keep us informed of whats going on.


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meape
meape
April 23, 2012 - 10:26 pm
AnimeEmoGirl,

My wife isn't supportive either. I know the some of the feelings you must be having. Please keep us informed of whats going on.


fletch33
April 30, 2012 - 2:18 pm
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fletch33
Total Posts: 12
Joined: 04-26-2012
I feel you. I have had many problems with relationships ending partially due to Bipolar. It truly wrecks your life. Just know that you are not alone. I hope that can give you some solace.


"For madness carves its own reality."~ Kay Redfield Jamison
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fletch33
fletch33
April 30, 2012 - 2:18 pm
I feel you. I have had many problems with relationships ending partially due to Bipolar. It truly wrecks your life. Just know that you are not alone. I hope that can give you some solace.


"For madness carves its own reality."~ Kay Redfield Jamison
payne1411
May 4, 2012 - 9:10 am
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payne1411
Total Posts: 14
Joined: 04-06-2012
I totally understand how you feel. Pray Pray Pray for your marriage!!! I have two childern with two different guys cause of my BP1 disorder.. And now Im married for almost a year and it has been so hard. He doesnt understand my moods at all. And when Im crying he says now your over there acting like a two year old throwing a fit and of course that upsets me even more.
Or he'll say here we go again. And then sometimes he calls me a BITCH well most of the time. So I feel how you feel. Sending you lots of (((((hugs))))


Trying to find a day of sunshine!!
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payne1411
payne1411
May 4, 2012 - 9:10 am
I totally understand how you feel. Pray Pray Pray for your marriage!!! I have two childern with two different guys cause of my BP1 disorder.. And now Im married for almost a year and it has been so hard. He doesnt understand my moods at all. And when Im crying he says now your over there acting like a two year old throwing a fit and of course that upsets me even more.
Or he'll say here we go again. And then sometimes he calls me a BITCH well most of the time. So I feel how you feel. Sending you lots of (((((hugs))))


Trying to find a day of sunshine!!
danielleT
May 4, 2012 - 4:21 pm
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danielleT
Total Posts: 93
Joined: 11-03-2011
I sometimes think when it comes to the opposite sex we (the mentally ill) wear a sign that says, "dysfunctional people need only apply". We have the label so it's easy for abusive people to put it right back on us because we're the crazy ones.

I've come a long way though and I can now spot people that are bad for me. I think for many years I took alot of crap because I was dysfunctional, I blamed myself for the way other people were acting. We deserve and we need for our sanity to have positive, supportive people in our lives.


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danielleT
danielleT
May 4, 2012 - 4:21 pm
I sometimes think when it comes to the opposite sex we (the mentally ill) wear a sign that says, "dysfunctional people need only apply". We have the label so it's easy for abusive people to put it right back on us because we're the crazy ones.

I've come a long way though and I can now spot people that are bad for me. I think for many years I took alot of crap because I was dysfunctional, I blamed myself for the way other people were acting. We deserve and we need for our sanity to have positive, supportive people in our lives.


skeptical
May 4, 2012 - 7:04 pm
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skeptical
Total Posts: 28
Joined: 07-08-2011
My husband has been both supportive and against my bipolar. He says that I don't need meds to be normal, then when I say I am going to go off my meds, he acts all worried and says that I should never stop taking meds. I don't get it, but I know it is mostly because of ignorance.
People who are not educated about this stuff just don't understand what to do or how to act with us. I don't have an answer, but I empathize with you. Those who are not mentally ill just don't buy it and think it is all drama, but they are at the same time scared about it and think us "crazies" are going to flip out and go postal on them.
It is a lose-lose situation. Sorry you are going through a divorce. I cannot imagine what that must be like. Be strong.


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skeptical
skeptical
May 4, 2012 - 7:04 pm
My husband has been both supportive and against my bipolar. He says that I don't need meds to be normal, then when I say I am going to go off my meds, he acts all worried and says that I should never stop taking meds. I don't get it, but I know it is mostly because of ignorance.
People who are not educated about this stuff just don't understand what to do or how to act with us. I don't have an answer, but I empathize with you. Those who are not mentally ill just don't buy it and think it is all drama, but they are at the same time scared about it and think us "crazies" are going to flip out and go postal on them.
It is a lose-lose situation. Sorry you are going through a divorce. I cannot imagine what that must be like. Be strong.


AnimeEmoGirl
June 1, 2012 - 1:03 pm
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AnimeEmoGirl
Total Posts: 1004
Joined: 10-04-2009
I couldn't go through with the divorce. I figured my husband would eventually understand what I'm going through and accept it, and we're still working things out but it's not as bad as it had been.

There are still times, though, that I've had my episodes but otherwise things between me and him are finally trying to stabilize themselves.

My moods are still working on stabilizing themselves, as well as me helping them to work on stabilizing them as well. I've since been taken off Abilify, Trileptal, and Seroquel XR because me and my husband are also trying to get pregnant as well. But I am on the non-extended release Seroquel, and it's working just fine. My shrink also told me to also take 2,000mg of fish oil to also help with my mood stabilizing, and it's working great as well. All my doctors also agreed that I should continue taking the prenatal vitamins.



Current medications as of 06-01-2012
09-02-2011 - Present: Prenatal Vitamins, 100mg. Once Every Morning
05-23-2012 - Present: Seroquel, 300mg. Once at bedtime
05-27-2012 - Present: Krill Oil, 2,000mg. Once at lunchtime

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AnimeEmoGirl
AnimeEmoGirl
June 1, 2012 - 1:03 pm
I couldn't go through with the divorce. I figured my husband would eventually understand what I'm going through and accept it, and we're still working things out but it's not as bad as it had been.

There are still times, though, that I've had my episodes but otherwise things between me and him are finally trying to stabilize themselves.

My moods are still working on stabilizing themselves, as well as me helping them to work on stabilizing them as well. I've since been taken off Abilify, Trileptal, and Seroquel XR because me and my husband are also trying to get pregnant as well. But I am on the non-extended release Seroquel, and it's working just fine. My shrink also told me to also take 2,000mg of fish oil to also help with my mood stabilizing, and it's working great as well. All my doctors also agreed that I should continue taking the prenatal vitamins.



Current medications as of 06-01-2012
09-02-2011 - Present: Prenatal Vitamins, 100mg. Once Every Morning
05-23-2012 - Present: Seroquel, 300mg. Once at bedtime
05-27-2012 - Present: Krill Oil, 2,000mg. Once at lunchtime

Grateful
June 1, 2012 - 1:37 pm
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Grateful
Total Posts: 277
Joined: 04-30-2011
Um, don't take this the wrong way, but don't you think it is a little odd to be talking about getting a divorce, then only a month and a half later talking about getting pregnant?

If your moods are switching that quickly maybe you should take more time to see how things settle out with your husband. Kids stick around for more than a month and a half once you have them.

I'm not poking at you, just offering my thoughs trying to be helpful.

Take care.


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Grateful
Grateful
June 1, 2012 - 1:37 pm
Um, don't take this the wrong way, but don't you think it is a little odd to be talking about getting a divorce, then only a month and a half later talking about getting pregnant?

If your moods are switching that quickly maybe you should take more time to see how things settle out with your husband. Kids stick around for more than a month and a half once you have them.

I'm not poking at you, just offering my thoughs trying to be helpful.

Take care.


kristy1025
June 1, 2012 - 2:58 pm
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kristy1025
Total Posts: 5
Joined: 05-04-2012
I was diagnosed about a month ago. I had been back and forth thinking about divorce for the whole 3 years we've been married. As soon as he learned I was bipolar he has been telling people he knew it wasn't him the whole time. Like everything that has gone wrong has been my fault. I am now in the process of divorce myself and I have not felt this much relief in a long time. I truly believe he is one of my biggest triggers for stress bringing on my depression. I, of course, would never tell him that. I wish you all the best in the world and we can talk any time about how things are going if you want. Good Luck... HUGS!



Medications for May 2, 2012 to June 1, 2012
06-01-2012 - Present:Lamictal, 50 mg.1
05-25-2012 - 05-31-2012:Lamictal, 25 mg.1 per day

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kristy1025
kristy1025
June 1, 2012 - 2:58 pm
I was diagnosed about a month ago. I had been back and forth thinking about divorce for the whole 3 years we've been married. As soon as he learned I was bipolar he has been telling people he knew it wasn't him the whole time. Like everything that has gone wrong has been my fault. I am now in the process of divorce myself and I have not felt this much relief in a long time. I truly believe he is one of my biggest triggers for stress bringing on my depression. I, of course, would never tell him that. I wish you all the best in the world and we can talk any time about how things are going if you want. Good Luck... HUGS!



Medications for May 2, 2012 to June 1, 2012
06-01-2012 - Present:Lamictal, 50 mg.1
05-25-2012 - 05-31-2012:Lamictal, 25 mg.1 per day

soli
June 1, 2012 - 6:18 pm
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soli
Total Posts: 311
Joined: 04-21-2011
Kristy,

Its ummm like you are talking or holding up a mirror to me. I just had a therapy session with or about trying to figure out , my gosh , times when I can't accept
my husband because of what in my mind his face looks like and how i read it. two issues were , extremes and wise men avoid them, in other words i look at him read something i think in my mind is totally valid and then run with it in hypercriticism that really cuts at me as i use it. We are trying to find a way by stopping to look at the puzzle , in other words the recycling problem and find new ways to handle it. I think by looking at the storm, maybe i see hope of what is good and how to hold onto it and of course myself. Not everything that I need does he give me. Alot of times I would like him to be a fluent on english in other words meet me with words, because when I keep giving them and giving them i start to feel like an exhausted dish rag in his eyes like what i say is not valuable because he won't meet me with words, so some of what or who he is or isn't is not enough for me. But I wonder if there is not a way to still save the love and however it is there, because we have had wonderful connections and experiences on the other hand he has saved my ass, excuse me , in other times and ways. I just think if something can be kept and valued it just might be worth our efforts to change how we deal with it. I dunno like u. Oh, thankyou others on this forum for giving me positive input when my extreme thinking really was hijacking me into misery.... and i was so sure of my hubby being needed to be excluded totally from my life. Good work good advice. rjmhaley thanks again , we are good ,,, kzoey,,,, i feel my mom is in the stance your wife takes,, ok and whats' good is that you and i can understand and feel for the sensitivities of care of this particular thing. It creates a lonely gulf, when a significant person to us cannot meet us and instead we feel conflicted when we open up. And my mom would never admit to getting me wrong, but you know what ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,she does, and our closeness is missing there. Okay said enough, over and out .... Remember CB's in our vehicles..


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soli
soli
June 1, 2012 - 6:18 pm
Kristy,

Its ummm like you are talking or holding up a mirror to me. I just had a therapy session with or about trying to figure out , my gosh , times when I can't accept
my husband because of what in my mind his face looks like and how i read it. two issues were , extremes and wise men avoid them, in other words i look at him read something i think in my mind is totally valid and then run with it in hypercriticism that really cuts at me as i use it. We are trying to find a way by stopping to look at the puzzle , in other words the recycling problem and find new ways to handle it. I think by looking at the storm, maybe i see hope of what is good and how to hold onto it and of course myself. Not everything that I need does he give me. Alot of times I would like him to be a fluent on english in other words meet me with words, because when I keep giving them and giving them i start to feel like an exhausted dish rag in his eyes like what i say is not valuable because he won't meet me with words, so some of what or who he is or isn't is not enough for me. But I wonder if there is not a way to still save the love and however it is there, because we have had wonderful connections and experiences on the other hand he has saved my ass, excuse me , in other times and ways. I just think if something can be kept and valued it just might be worth our efforts to change how we deal with it. I dunno like u. Oh, thankyou others on this forum for giving me positive input when my extreme thinking really was hijacking me into misery.... and i was so sure of my hubby being needed to be excluded totally from my life. Good work good advice. rjmhaley thanks again , we are good ,,, kzoey,,,, i feel my mom is in the stance your wife takes,, ok and whats' good is that you and i can understand and feel for the sensitivities of care of this particular thing. It creates a lonely gulf, when a significant person to us cannot meet us and instead we feel conflicted when we open up. And my mom would never admit to getting me wrong, but you know what ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,she does, and our closeness is missing there. Okay said enough, over and out .... Remember CB's in our vehicles..


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