I'm 20 years old and since I was sixteen my parents and doctors said I had signs of Borderline Personality Disorder. After I graduated high school I moved on my own, never thought about BPD again. Until today when I was on the phone with my mom and she mentioned it, I went to research about it, I found out that all the symptoms and thinking processing was exactly who I am. Granted I watch myself when it comes to drugs, food, and my personal relationships. I don't want this to affect me in anyway. I want to feel like I am normal, even though I feel so different from everyone I meet. I hold jobs I don't spend money fast, I budget and make sure my bills are paid. But when it comes to the abandonment I freeze up, I can't deal with breakups, I usually throw myself into another relationship to get rid of the feelings. I use to eat all the time, but I have learned to control that. Losing myself In my mind is what I am known for, some one says something that triggers and a memory and I'm gone. Most of the time I don't even notice I'm not in reality but in my mind. My biggest fear is I have finally pulled everything together in my life. I have an amazing relationship with my mom, I have met the love of my life, but I don't want to push them away or loose them. I don't know if I can control my BPD on my own or if I should get the medical help. But when I look back to being sixteen, everyday I would cut or try to kill myself. The last time I tried to end my life, I had take over 160 pills and was in a coma for 2 weeks. I woke up and I felt different. I took control over my life, I didn't allow myself to cut, or try to harm myself in other ways. However, I always have those thoughts when I get to stressed or I feel betrayed. I did have great trauma growing up, mother leaving me, watching my parent's shoot up drugs until I was almost fourteen, being homeless never really having food, plenty of sexual abuse. I just want to be completely done with my past. I guess I just wanna know that this will not ruin my future family, that I can control this and live with it. If anyone had advice for a newbie to BPD plz give it to me. I am all eyes.
Thank you
Joined: 07-16-2013